A Change of Plans

So about Writer's Camp.


Turns out, I made a common mistake and overbooked myself.  My life became suddenly busy.  In other words,

So as much as I hate to do this, I'm respectfully backing out of the Writer's Camp. 

Ugh I hate backing out of things...THE GUILT.  *shakes fist at Life and Writer's Block and Anti-Socialness*


So yes, the main reason was that I was way too busy to do a camp this long, but there is another reason and I'm scared to say it out loud where it can hear. 


Doubt. 

There is a Twenty One Pilots song for everything, I tell you

You know, that feeling that we writers are constantly battling within ourselves.  We're afraid our writing isn't good enough, that people will laugh at it, that we won't be taken seriously for it, that we will never write anything good, that we will never finish a WIP. 


Out of all the hobbies, I think writers probably get this doubt the hardest.  It eats us up inside and it can destroy our love for writing if we let the doubt win. 


Those of you who are keeping up with the Camp, I congratulate you.  You fought the doubt and won.  But I lost to it.  The doubt has a leash around my neck and it won't let me go. 


When Writer's Block hits, there are many writers who are strong and carry on regardless of it.  But when it hits me, I just feel panic and I run to another occupation.  "You'll never write again," my insecurity hisses in my ear, "You're a failure at writing.  How dare you think you'll ever become a published author.  You are nothing."


This is partly why I started a blog.  To combat those insecurities.  When I feel like I will never write again, I can turn to this and write something different--not a novel or short story--but words from my heart.  And it helps. 


Never stop writing, the wise ones say.  And I won't.  Just maybe a different form of writing...


So to those of you who didn't let the doubt beat them, keep it up.  But I let the doubt beat me, and I know that.  Maybe I'm not ready.  I don't know. 


Well.  That felt good to get out. 

The funny thing about doubt, is that we ALL have it.  We all have doubt and insecurities.  But we never show them.  It's like we're trying desperately to hide our flaws, to pretend everything's okay and we're fine.


But we're NOT fine, and we all have doubt.  So why do we have to hide it constantly?


There is nothing wrong or shameful to say "I'm afraid."  I'm saying it now.  Tyler Joseph says it every time he sings.  And you know what, saying that you're not invincible, that you're just like us, with fears and doubt, it helps people.  Because we're not alone and we need to know that we're not alone in our mental battles. 


That's all I have to say. 

Goodbye, my dears!  I leave you with a Twenty One Pilots song. 

Do you have doubts about writing?