Panic attack

It came so sudden,
An attack like lightning. 
My breath is choked. 

I smell the metal

All around me.  I can’t breathe.

The walls are closing.

 

Caving, crushing me,

My mind is trapped in a box.

Metal walls bite me. 

Hands gripping tightly,

Struggling to stay alive.

Keep the walls away.

I see through a mist.

Chest heaving, help me someone,

Please make the fear stop.

Lights glare and blind me,

Breath stuffed inside my lead chest,

My brain will not work.

 

There is no way out.

But at last the box is gone
And for now, I’m free. 
 


A confession:  sometimes I lose my mind.


Sometimes I lose myself in a panic attack and it scares me.  This has been happening since I was about 8 years old.  I've been fighting it ever since then.  They're not so bad anymore, but they're still there. 


So I did what I usually do with my fears.  I put it to poetry.  Because poetry makes everything better. 


It enables me to dissect my feelings, trying to figure out how to fix this. 


Poetry separates me from the fear, so that I can look at it from the outside.  Once I can translate something into poetry, then I feel like I can beat it.


It gives me a sense of being stronger than my fear, more powerful. 


I don't mean to sound depressing by writing about this, but panic attacks are very real and devastating things.  And if I want to overcome this, well I can't do it alone and in the dark.  I have hope that this can be overcome and poetry is my weapon. 

one of the most inspirational lyrics ever

And here is the music video for the song those lyrics are from:

Stay alive, frens |-/


Do you have panic attacks or know anyone who does?  Give them a hug, okay?  Does it help you to write your fears down?

Hello October

Tis the season for hot chocolate, jumping on leaves, and hugging cats....


.....In every state/country/planet but Texas.  Like seriously can we please get some cool weather already?  Please and thank you. 

I just got finished with my Suzuki piano teacher training (whew it was such an exhausting and fun couple of weekends), and now I'm back to normal with getting ready to start teaching and finishing up school and college stuff woohoo. 


Normal...haha...ha..ha......ha.....

I shouldn't be allowed to use that word. 


Whew.  It's been a truly crazy month so far.  And I just realized that it's been almost an entire month without posting and HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN I TELL YOU LIFE SWALLOWED ME UP AND DISAPPEARED BACK INTO THE ABYSS DRAGGING ME ALONG WITH IT. 


My most sincere apologies. 


So Halloween is coming and I don't know about you minions, but I am very much excited. 

My costume is amazing.  And I won't tell you what it is.  Hehe. 


Don't you just love Halloween?  It's one of my favorite holidays.  And not just because of candy cough.  Well maybe a little.  Well maybe a lottle. 


Reasons I love Autumn: 

• stepping on crunchy leaves
• hot apple cider that warms your hands
• icy wind that bites your nose
• soft fluffy sweaters
• boots and long socks
• the smell of pumpkins and falling leaves
• bright red and orange trees
• fires in the fireplace
• hot soup after ice skating
• running around in the leaves
• baking pies and cookies
• the days are greyer and more peaceful
• the nights are colder and more relaxing
• breathing in cold air and pretending to be a dragon
• snuggling in blankets
• long walks to soak up the cool weather

I was thinking about doing NaNoWriMo this year, but I don't think I will have the time unfortunately.  I have too much writing for school to do.  But I'm hoping to get at least a teeny bit of NaNo writing in....perhaps. 


This is going to be a short post, because I sat down to write and literally forgot every single exciting thing that ever happened to me.  So I have nothing really to say. 

So to close, allow me to show you the most aesthetically pleasing and adorable music video ever.  Jon Cozart is amazing gah.  And Tessa's makeup makes me feel so good about life like I have no idea but it pleases my soul. 

Peace out, darlings. 

Do you love Halloween and Autumn too?  Are you doing NaNoWriMo?  Can you please explain to me how October is almost over already??

I swear I'm normal

Nah, just kidding. 


Cause we'll never be nooorrrmal (normallll)
It don't run in our bloooooddd!


Of course that's how the song goes.  Psh.  Peasants....

So I drew another thing.  Because I'm awesome like that okay.


Ta-daaaaaaaa.  Behold.  A wild Jishwa. 

*sips purple tea innocently*  Me?  Obsessed?  Naaaaaah. 

Don't know what you're talking 'bout, darlin'. 


I drew that because my fren told me about the Cliquetober drawing challenge.  Alas, the one drawing drained me and I'm already behind.  But Tyler is next.  I shall draw Tyler.  I promise.  *sips purple tea ferociously*


Speaking of tea, I love love love love cats.  Did you know that?  I feel like I need to tell everyone this.  I MUST SHOUT IT TO THE HEAVENS. 


Cats are my spirit animal.  My new life goal is to collect cats.  So if you have any spare cats you don't want, please send them all to me.  I will cherish them as my own. 

I am so sleep deprived right now......


Why do I even blog when I'm sleep deprived.....


Do you people even like reading my madness?  Talk to me please, I'm tired and in need of cats. 


Good night, frens!

Thoughts on the Josh pic?  Should I draw a Tyler pic?  DO YOU LIKE CATS.