One more day until 2016 is over, then a new year will dawn in all of it's newborn excitement and curiosity. Are you excited?
To close, here is my new favorite song in the entire world. You know when you find that song that makes you tear up because it feels so right. The words echo the music in your soul and you feel like the music understands you.
Here's a song for all you dreamers out there.
Here's to all of you dreamers and writers out there. One day more! Any plans for New Year's Eve?
pastels my mind is filled with color i think in color i dream my life in shades of color light blue the color of seashells in the morning i smile at a thought my mind is not normal i think in colors of pale pink like the inside of a teacup yellow like fresh butter peaceful bliss in my head a world where the gates bar all outsiders from picking the flowers fifty different shades of green color is the language of my head do other people speak words in their head? i speak color butterflies of vibrant blue and maroon brush against the half-processed thoughts
my emotions are the color of the universe a galaxy in my skull like the sea it rises overflows and drips onto the sizzling sand do other people feel in colors? close my eyes i see a world bubbling and lighting my way vibrant shades and hues the colors of black and deep red red like blood red like anger red mixed with the galaxy makes a feeling i can feel the universe behind my eyelids it's pushing at my brain there are a million shades of black crowded behind the gates the colors guide the way from my eyes through life they show me the color of a snail's shell in dew the color of a raven's wing in the sun the shades of grass the ideas that sound like sky blue taste like sky blue feel like sky blue can you feel the colors speaking behind your eyelids?
***************************************************************** If only we could use colors to speak in this world. It's so difficult to communicate the thoughts in my head into words....
I am discontent with this blog. I want to change, to make it better, to be more like the other and better blogs out there, but I'm torn in so many directions.
I'll probably only be posting poetry here for a while, so hang in there, my darling potatoes.
On a side note: it doesn't feel like Christmas. Do you think so?
Thoughts? Do you speak color in your head? Does it feel Christmas-y to you?
So I don't know about you potatoes, but I love the movie theater. Lovelovelove.
The dark, velvet aura, the buttery, warm smell of popcorn, the anticipation in the air, it's just such a wonderful place!
That being said, there have been some really excellent movies that came out recently and so I shall give to you my tiny mini reviews of said films. Because you know you want my opinion. That's why you're here, is it not?
Let's get started!
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them
I've never actually seen any of the Harry Potter movies before. And I've only read two books so a lot of the references probably went right over my head.
But this was a good good film, folks.
Quick Summary:
Newt Scamander, a Hufflepuff magizoologist, comes to New York.
He's on a special mission with a suitcase full of magical creatures.
One such creature is the Niffler (my favorite).
it likes shiny things
Anyway, so this happens:
So Newt, with his newfound friends, have to track down the loose creatures before more bad things happen, because lots of bad, dark things are happening in New York and the wizards are blaming the loose magical creatures. Also there are a bunch of scary Puritan-like witch-hunters to worry about.
But actually there is. Lots. Poor cinnamon roll. He just wants to protect his creatures.
And that was a rubbish summary but MOVING ON.
Things I Loved:
The characters!! The characters were so marvelously crafted...you loved them, you felt sorry for them, you rooted for them, you shipped them *ahem*, and the ones that were good were absolutely lovable and the nasty ones were downright creepy. But you still felt sorry for some of them.
The imagery. WOAH. I mean, WOAH. This was a beautiful film. The colors were just so rich and bronzy and beautiful, and the scenery was fabulous, and the creatures were so life-like. Even if I had no idea what was going on, this movie was an absolute treat for my eyes.
The beasts. Each one was so unique and odd and just perfectly awesome. And Newt's bond with them was so adorable....he loved the creatures and they loved him and just go see the movie, okay?
Things I didn't love:
The whole reincarnated Puritan witch-hunter thing. Remember that dark part of history? When the Protestant Puritans went on a witch-burning rampage? Yeah not such a good time in history for anyone who could swim or so much as blinked the wrong way. So this movie basically brought those people back. The austere, wrathful people who thought they were doing God's will by cleansing the earth of such people. *groans and shakes head in exasperation* I mean, great plot thingie! But as a Catholic, I wasn't so fond of the whole bringing religion into it. This is a fictional story with magic, so why have the opposing force be a real religion?
We have to wait two whole years for the next movie to come out. That is too long. I WANT MORE NEWT AND TINA AND FANTASTICAL BEASTS.
Out of 5, I rate this film a 4.5. It was truly fantastic.
Doctor Strange
You are all going to hate me for this. But Doctor Strange wasn't one of my favorite Marvel films.
Quick Summary:
Dr. Stephen Strange, a neurosurgeon, loses the ability of his hands after a car accident.
So he goes to the Ancient One in a desperate attempt to be healed, but instead ends up staying on to learn the mystical arts in different realities and universes.
So he learns magic and has to defeat the bad guy who is trying to take over the earth and destroy humanity basically. (Very original, Marvel.)
And....that's about it?
Things I loved:
Benedict Cumberbatch.
The White Witch (The Ancient One)
The Cloak of Levitation that literally had a mind of its own
The richness of the costumes and CGI.
The after-credit scenes. OMGGSHGLSHGSLGH. *flails and cackles hysterically*
Things I didn't love:
The characters. Unlike other Marvel films, the characters here were pretty shallow and stereotypical. I didn't feel an attachment to them, and frankly they were pretty boring.
The plot. I am still completely confused about what the heck was going on. They didn't explain the whole other worlds/mystical powers thing very well....
The names. WHAT WERE THEIR NAMES EVEN I HAVE NO IDEA THEY WERE SO EXOTIC AND yep I had no idea what most of their names were.
The whole twisting reality thing. This is just a personal thing, but the trippy turning reality inside out and upside down in the mirror world really made my head hurt.
Overall? It just didn't feel like a Marvel film. It felt like a weird fantasy sci-fi film that needed more work on deepening the characters and more backstory.
Out of 5, I give it a 2.7.
But most of my friends saw it and LOVED it, so hey, this is just my opinion here. Go see it. (Because it's MARVEL)
Moana
Woah. This is my favorite Disney princess movie ever. I know a lot of you were going "ugh it's gonna be like Frozen and another stupid princess movie that's politically correct"
BUT NO THIS IS AMAZING.
Quick summary:
Moana is a Hawaiian princess who has a special connection with the ocean.
She loves the ocean, but her parents want her to become chief of the island. (Now I know what you're thinking, so stop it.)
A darkness is spreading over the ocean, so she ventures out to find the demigod Maui who stole the heart of Tafiti (a goddess island thing) to put it back and stop the darkness from spreading.
The demigod Maui does not like Moana. Their journey is an interesting and quite entertaining one.
ANYWAY. It's amazing.
Things I loved:
DID I MENTION BOTH OF HER PARENTS ARE NOT DEAD. How rare is that in Disney movies? And they have a loving sweet relationship, and her parents are AWESOME and I love them. Also her grandma. Okay all the characters and family in this were awesome and hilarious and aggghhhh.
It was unique. We finally get a princess from a tropical island who sails and doesn't fit the traditional European mold!
She didn't have a waist the size of her neck, thank you Disney for making a realistic looking girl.
The characters were deep and touching and hilarious and so much feels.
It didn't feel politically correct. In other words, it wasn't like Frozen.
The songs were amazing and catchy and I must learn them all now.
Things I didn't love:
Why does every Disney movie now have a weird song that no one really likes or knows why the heck it's even in there? Well yes so there was a song that the crab monster sang and it was totally unnecessary.
It was too short. I wanted more of this gorgeous tropical feelsy film.
Also baby Moana is the most adorable thing ever.
Out of 5, I give this a 4.8.
GO WATCH IT.
Hacksaw Ridge
Saved the best for last. This is the newest Mel Gibson film starring Andrew Garfield in which I sobbed grossly because this was a truly amazing film.
Quick Summary:
Based on the true story of Desmond Doss, a Seventh Day Adventist who joined the army during WWII as a medic but refused to pick up or use a gun.
Persecuted for his beliefs, he struggles on and shows true Christian love the whole way.
When they reached Japan, they had to take Hacksaw Ridge, he alone stayed on the battlefield to save his injured comrades after the Battle of Okinawa and became a hero.
Things I loved:
It was a true story. It is one of the most inspiring war films I've ever seen.
Desmond Doss was an amazing person. Andrew Garfield captured him MARVELOUSLY. His faith, his innocence, his steadfastness and sense of right and wrong, his devotion. Oh my word. It was beautiful.
The chemistry between the characters. You grew to love them all. They were funny, sincere, and you rooted for them all.
Things I didn't love:
Nothing. I loved it all.
This was a truly amazing film. It was very violent and graphic on the battlefield, even more gory than Band of Brothers and probably a lot of other war films out there. But so good. So inspiring.
Out of 5? I give this a 10.
Whew that was a long post.
Have you seen any of these films? What did you think?
This year is happening too fast. I feel like I'm still left behind in August somewhere....
Only a few more weeks until Christmas HOW DID THIS HAPPEN I AM NOT READY.
*hides under bed*
I'm one of those people who is kind of "meh" about Christmas. I mean, I love the season and the day and celebrating Jesus' birth and all, but the whole hustle and bustle and gift-givng? Honestly I am completely happy being left alone all day just listening to Christmas music and baking M'n'M cookies instead of worrying about giving people presents and being social.
Also I hate giving people gifts. IT'S SO STRESSFUL. Like how do you know what people even LIKE??? I have literally no idea. Ever. Nor do I have money at all. So yeah I will be writing everyone poems and that will probably be it this year.
Dealing with people is a stressful, exhausting activity that I just don't like, minions.
So yeah......am I sort of a Scrooge?
.........maybe. *coughs*
But I'm a nice Scrooge with cookies and fluffy socks so don't hate me.
So I drew a new thing! Okay I have been MEANING to draw this for months now....but I finally did. I present to ye.......*drum roll* TYLER JOSEPH.
SMOL BEAN
It looks really light in the picture......don't you hate pictures of your art? Somehow it always looks WORSE. (Just like pictures of me. Oh gosh no. I look terrible in pictures.)
But yis there's my art thing for the next 5 years.
I also discovered two new beautiful artists:
Vianney
Ohmygravy. He is like the Shawn Mendes of France. (Note: I do not like Shawn Mendes. Also I have no idea if he's the same genre. Probably not because his music is beautiful, sweet poetic goodness)
Lilian Renaud
*cries because he has the voice of an angel* I have no words. Just listen.
So yes I am in love with these two gorgeous singers and expect me to flail over them for the next century or two.
Also, I have no idea why I'm listening to French music? It just sort of....happened. (I LOVE SPOTIFY SO MUCH) I think I just got tired of the trash we have here. And they just BURST INTO MY LIFE LIKE THE MUSIC OF ANGELS, THE LIGHT OF THE SUN and I am so sorry but Les Mis lyrics fit every. situation. ever.
True story.
So while normal people are listening to Christmas tunes, I'm over here singing at the top of my lungs to my beautiful French music and do not judge me or I will throw a cookie at you.
Have a lovely December, darlings!
Are you ready for Christmas?? What is your feelings toward the season? HAVE YOU LISTENED TO VIANNEY AND LILIAN. FLAIL WITH ME.
While your family scoffs at you mad in the corner.
"I didn't ask for this life," you whimper in pain,
As your hands act once again on their own
You just cry in horror as you pull out your hair
And drop it in a pile on the floor.
"I'm not crazy," you tell yourself, "I can beat this."
But your brain is more clever than that.
For you've tried, and you've tried,
But nothing has worked and you reach to yank another.
"Oh God, make this stop!" you inwardly scream,
But no one can hear your pain.
They avoid you and berate you, for it's all your fault
And the guilt and the shame devour your innards.
Hunched in the corner, hands acting on compulsion,
While you wish you could hold them down.
Your dignity and pride is torn with every hair,
And you hold it all in and keep your tears to yourself.
"Just stop!" everyone screams and blows fall on your head
And you bite back a strangled cry of "I can't!"
Nobody understands and they spit upon you
Because no one can see the war being lost in your head.
I have a condition called Trichotillomania. (trick-o-till-o-may-nee-uh)
Also known as Trich, it's a rare impulsive mental disorder that causes one to compulsively pull out one's hair. Can I stop it? No. Is it my fault? No. It's a neurological OCD-related condition that affects 2-4% of the population, and something I've had for about 6 years now. Only recently did I discover it was an actual thing I wasn't just crazy.
But like all other disorders, it's a struggle I have to learn to live with.
I grew up being told that I was just being weak and needed more self-control. That it was my fault. That I just had to stop.
I would try so hard to not pull, but I would always lose. Then I would be so ashamed and guilt-filled that I would resort to pulling again, and it's a vicious cycle that never ended. My red Tyler Joseph beanie has become my best friend.
It seems so ridiculous, right? Almost too silly to be an actual issue.
But it's real and it's painful and terrible and I'm tired of hiding.
Sometimes it's so hard. It feels like you're all alone in the world, misunderstood, scared of yourself and the damage your own hands cause. Sometimes you just want to give up.
But you can never give up.
That's not an option, frens.
It may be hard to breathe down here, but just keep swimming up. Up. Up.
It may hurt like hell, and you may feel like there's nothing left to live for, but there is everything to live for and your friends are there for you and Tyler is there for you and God is there to pick you back up again.
You're not alone.
Keep fighting.
In keeping with the Thanksgiving spirit, I'm thankful for all you wonderful friends. Your support means the world to me. I'm thankful for Twenty One Pilots, which has given me so much hope when I've just wanted to give up. I'm thankful that God is constantly giving me the strength to fight this, and that I know He has a plan for me.
I'm thankful that we've come this far.
Happy Thanksgiving, frens! Never give in to your fears. Fight them.
Stay alive. |-/
What are you thankful for this year? Do you have any mental struggles to fight?
I have no money, but I can't pass a bookstore without browsing. And if I find any books that I MUST HAVE OR I WILL DIE, then I end up coming home with a dozen or so that I can't even afford.
Like come on who cares about new clothes I will happily wear shirts with holes in them if it means I can buy more books.
And my TBR Book Barricade? Let's not discuss that. Somehow it grew to become a monster that lurks in the corner and wobbles precariously when anyone breathes. Then when it falls it makes me scream. BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S A HEINOUS CREATER OF DARKNESS BUT THOSE BOOKS ARE MY BABIES AND THEY JUST GOT HURT.
My life basically: I HAVE NO TIME TO READ LOOK AT THE HUNDREDS OF BOOKS ON MY TBR STACK HOW CAN I READ THEM ALL oh look more books *buys 24 more books*
There is something strangely comforting about being surrounded by books. It makes me happy. Even if I haven't read them, I just like hoarding them like the Book Hoarding Armadillo that I am.
And even if I've already read the books, psh I MUST HAVE COMPLETE SERIES ON MY SHELVES/BOOK BARRICADE. Because of my bookish tendencies toward OCD. If someone touches my book without asking, I will hurt you. If someone so much as bends a page, I will hurt you. If someone insults my book, I will hurt you.
What can I say? I'm very protective over my children.
So without further ado, here is the latest and greatest Book Haul!
see part of the TBR Barricade lurking in the background? yeah it's grown since then...
And then, just because they're so pretty, my tiny collection of Classic Collectors' Editions:
Right now I'm reading:
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
Woah this is a good book. I'd always heard horror stories about Leo Tolstoy being dry and tedious BUT WHAT ARE YOU POTATOES SPEAKING OF THIS IS A GORGEOUS STORY FULL OF LIFE AND COLOR AND THE LANGUAGE OH MY WORD IT'S BEAUTIFUL. Victor Hugo wrote drier things, sheesh.
Xenocide - Orson Scott Card
I usually don't like Sci-Fi. But the Ender series is the sole exception to that. I was such a rabid Ender fan that I wrote a fan letter to Mr. Card with a fan pic of Ender and....yeah I was slightly obsessed. BUT THOSE BOOKS ARE SO GOOD. They're adult books, but not that hard to read if you don't mind a lot of scientific theories and terms being thrown around your clueless head.
Rediscovering Jesus - Matthew Kelly
Because Matthew Kelly is amazing and hey, we always need a refresher. It doesn't matter if you already have discovered Jesus, it's still an amazing, inspiring read.
All My Sons - Arthur Miller
No, I did not get this play because it's what the Twenty One Pilots band name was founded on....*cough cough* I seriously do love Arthur Miller's plays. IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT MY FAVORITE BAND DECIDED TO NAME THEMSELVES AFTER THE TWENTY ONE PILOTS IN THE PLAY SO.
Speaking of plays, that just so happens to be my newest favorite genre. Or to be exact, Greek plays.
Readers: *collective gasp of horror because how can she be reading Greek dramas FOR FUN THEY ARE SO DRY AND ICKY*
I read Aeschylus' The Orestia for a class and I was like "WOAH WHAT IS THIS BEAUTIFUL FORM OF ART I MUST HAVE MORE"
It's like poetry that tells a drama and it's so beautiful to read. So judge me all you will, uncultured potatoes.
Now I must go read because I just got about 10 more books from the library and they have a deadline or I must pay money I do not have so BYE.
Talk to me, humans. Do you like books, too? Have you read anything good lately?
